Kids in Kong
by The Neliel Tu
Summary: Russ! Babies! Oneshot?


**I reckon I oughta put the disclaimer here. I do not own the Gorillaz, they belong to Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett. (I wish _I_** **belonged to Damon Albarn and Jamie Hew--nevermind.) **

**Um. I hope you enjoy it. And for now it will be a one shot.**

**If you want more, lemme know! Cos I will write more, I think.**

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** Kids in Kong**

A Russ story! Cos Russ needs some love too, ya know.

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Russ had been gone for a couple of months or so, doing Jah knows what. 

Noodle had been in her room the whole time, missing her adopted older brother. She hadn't the foggiest where Russ had disappeared to, and she was not sure she wanted to think about it.

2D spaced completely, except for the times when Murdoc want to duff him up and there was no hulk of a man there to be his guardian and save him.

"Wonder where Russ 'as been," he muttered to himself after a particularly horrible beating.

"I dunno, but I'm glad he wasn't 'ere t'stop me from givin yeh that beating!" Murdoc laughed. 2D glowered a bit, then went to the kitchen to make himself some toast.

Murdoc had noticed Russel's absence, of course. The backbone of an immensely popular band cannot leave without making an impact on the other, equally important, members.

He had minded at the beginning, of course, but after he discovered he was free to bruise the lovable blue-headed dullard, he was glad for it. "Hope Lards is off 'avin' th'best time of 'is life!" he toasted himself one night.

That was the night before everything changed.

The day which followed, a Friday, was that day Russ returned from what was found to be an extended vacation.

That was the day his bandmates made an incredible discovery about him.

"Hey, guys, Noodle, I'm home." he greeted them in the kitchen, where they were all sitting around the table. 2D sat with a cup of coffee in front of him and an unlit cigarette dangling out of the corner of his mouth, Murdoc clipping his toenails, and Noodle concentrating on a bowl of Lucky Charms.

"RUSSEL!!" Noodle cried and jumped on the large man.

"Whoa, sista! I missed you, too!" he ruffled her hair affectionately.

"Russ?" 2D looked up in disbelief, but his expression quickly changed to relief. "Russ!" he exclaimed happily.

"Ow, aw, Lards is back," Murdoc muttered angrily. "'Ow was your vacation, Fat Man?" Murdoc asked him.

"You wouldn't believe it if I showed ya the tape, Muds."

"Oh?" Noodle's head bounced up in interest.

"Do tell, Russel," 2D gazed at the black man in keen interest.

"Well, it's a long story--" Russ began.

"It all began in Africa, on a hot day, when I was sitting beside a pond, an oasis. The air was so hot, it was shimmering.

"This girl came up to me and showered my face with kisses--"

"Kisses? Oh, really," Murdoc licked his lips sarcastically.

"Yes, really," Russ said, cracking his knuckles. Murdoc sat back. "Any way, she'd come up to me and started kissing me. Well, she began to speak a foreign language, and I could not understand her.

"So she realized that and stripped completely, motioning for me to follow suit. She jumped into the water, giggling and splashing me, just to tease me--"

"Did this really happen, Russ?" Murdoc demanded. Russ looked up at the ceiling in exasperation at the interruption and looked back at 2D and Noodle, both listening attentively, surprisingly for 2D..

"Finally it got to be too much, so I stripped an-"

"You? Naked? Oh, ow! The visualization of it 'urts me retinaes! Oh! Make it stop, Russ!"

"And I jumped in alongside her. We swam for--I don't know for how long, but we ended up making love under the stars--"

"Making love? Oh, come on!" Murdoc rolled his eyes. Russ sent a swift punch to his jaw and sent him reeling to the floor. "Seriously, Russ, learn t'tell a story!"

"So she came to me that night, with four other women, all equally as beautiful as she, and they seduced me, and I gave in--"

"So what--ya gotta disease now?"

"No, they're all pregnant, if you must know, Muds. And three of them are sending their children to me."

"Wot? You? A dad?" 2D stared in shock for a moment, then burst into hysterical laughter. He fell out of his chair, smashing his unlit cigarette and rolling on the floor, tears streaming down his reddened cheeks.

"Is he going to be all right?" Noodle asked timidly.

"Love, 'e's never been all right," Murdoc grinned.

Eventually 2D calmed down, but the three could see he had laughed himself right to sleep.

"I am a father. If you really want to watch the vid-"

"No, I am NOT that sick in the 'ead. Why would I wanna see Russ porn?"

"They were babes, Muds." Russ grinned dreamily.

"And they wanted you?" Murdoc snickered. Russ bent down to smack him upside the head, making Murdoc's eyes roll back.

"Christ, Russ, d'ya 'ave t'hit so damn hard? Sweet Satan, my head!" Murdoc grumbled from the floor.

"So I will be like an aunt!" Noodle exclaimed ecstatically.

"Yes, sista." he pulled her to him and mussed her hair.

"I am so excited!" she grinned. "But why are only three of the women sending you the children?" she asked curiously.

"I don't really know--some African superstition maybe, I wouldn't know. There was that language barrier." he shrugged. He smiled to himself, reliving his vacation. Noodle saw that he was daydreaming and left to play video games.

2D still lay under the table, beside Murdoc, snoring lightly every so often. Murdoc looked a bit groggy himself, so Russ hoisted the two men up and threw one over each of his shoulders gently, so as to not wake 2D.

Murdoc grumbled the whole way to his Winnebago, and 2D woke once or twice on the way in. He looked around in confusion as Russ set him gingerly on the bed, pulling the sheets up to his chin.

He heard a phone ring and answered it quickly.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Um, yes, may I please speak with a Russel Hobbs?" a man with a thick accent replied.

"This is he," Russ answered.

"I am calling about your three children, we will be sending them when the youngest turns two. We trust that you will be a very good father and hope that yours will be a good home," the man said.

"Of course," Russ agreed quickly, not stopping to think. The man explained the process as best he could, and they exchanged contact information.

Noodle came up to him shortly after he had placed the phone gently back on its cradle.

"When are the babies coming, Russ?" she asked softly.

"When the youngest turns two, Noods." he told her. She smiled and nodded, and they disappeared to tell the others.

3 years later (Roughly)

The day the youngest of Russ's three promised children turned two, there was a loud, frenzied knock on the door of Kong Studios.

Russ and Noodle raced to the door, legs, arms, and hearts pumping. Russ flung the door wide and pulled the men and children inside, slamming the door behind them.

"Welcome to Kong!" he greeted.

Murdoc and 2D appeared to see what the racket was about, when Russ's two sons and daughter pulled out some African drums and began to pound out distinguishable beats.

Murdoc stepped back in surprise. "Mini Russes!" he cried.

Russ grinned in satisfaction. "My sons, my daughter," he said happily. He pulled his three children close to him and kissed each affectionately on the forehead.

"Russ, if they didn't look so much like you, I'd say you'd just gone an' adopted three random kids to make it look like--but anyway, they're talented." Murdoc admitted.

"They're adorable!" 2D exclaimed, picking up one of the boys and hugging him.

"Yes, they are!" Noodle picked up the girl and hugged her. She smiled up at Noodle.

"D'they 'ave names?" 2D asked.

"Uh," Russ looked around for the men who had delivered the children, but they had mysteriously disappeared. He looked out of the window and and saw a van speeding down the hill. He sighed and shook his head.

"I guess I'll be namin' 'em," he said with a shrug. "'Less they know their names." he looked towards his daughter. "What's your name?" he asked her.

She looked up at him and, with a moment's hesitation, said "Oni."

Next he asked each of the boys, the first one who answered "Ayo," had darker skin than the second, who called himself "Tor."

"Oni, Ayo, and Tor," Russ grinned. "D'ya kids like those names?" he asked them pointlessly, as they all three shook their heads in confusion. "Oh, ya don't speak English!" Russ smacked his forehead.

The three continued to stare at him cluelessly, and he thought for a moment.

"Well, once ya kids are speaking English, you can--oh--I'll just have them choose their names when they're old enough to understand, and know some English." he explained to the others, who nodded their agreement.

"Yes, that sounds great," Noodle assured him, placing a sisterly hand on his shoulder. Murdoc stared at the kids, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I jus' can' believe ya went off and 'ad some kids, I mean--I never thought--"

"What are you implying, Muds?" Russ asked.

"Nuffin', nuffin', forget I said anythin'." Murdoc disappeared into the corridor. He poked his head back in briefly. "An' ya didn't crush any o' 'em girls when ya--"

He didn't have a chance to finish before Russ was throwing bottles at his head.

"Sheesh! Sorry I asked!" Murdoc disappeared for good.

"Aw, kids in Kong," Noodle smiled softly at the guys.

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**Hee hee! I'm surprised at myself for writing something this long. And happy. **

**Review? Pwease?   
**


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